1 year & 11 months ..

Humm ..guess it's the last aniversary that I celebrate with my boyfriend ..since he's leaving for college soon ..we had some cool time today, just hanging around our little town at coffees & that ..
I'll miss him ..
Things are just a little little better at home ..but yet the same old crap ..I would like so much to get out of here ..maybe someday [ hopefully soon ] ..
I keep thinking about suicide ..it's weird ..when I'm fucked up & hurted & all that shit I think about it like a near future ..like a decision ..when I'm ok like now I think about it as something that will happen eventually at some point in my life ..isn't it odd? ..argh ..
I was just saying to my boyfriend that I'm ok now ..at that's because of him ..well I'm just wondering how things will be when he's gone ..