News.

So a few days have passed ..
On Sunday I was with him for the last time. It was cool actually. From 5:00 pm until 9:30 pm ..
He was like "I only be able to make it until seven" but I was like .."can you stay a little bit longer ..like 8 or something?" And he said "Humm ..I'll stay with you until it's 9 o'clock" ..
He was pretty sweet, and our "farewell" was aswesome ..he said "it doesnt mean like ..the end" ..ohoh ..
We chated on monday and yesterday, and less than an hour ago he sent me a message, and I called him ..we talked for a few minutes ..yeah ..I miss him already ..

So I went to college on monday. Some things were nice, others were crap. I decided I wont be praxada [ ahaha ] anymore. Bla bla ..whatever. (:

Oh ..bought two piercings yesterday ..and the little siamese is still there ..he's lonely now ..they sold his brother ..bah ..I would so want him .. :(

Changes + Changes + Changes ..

So what's up? ..humm nothing at all ..
Oh I wish ..Some things are ok ..some things are simply shit!
So ..yesterday at 6:00 am I was writing a letter for my boyfriend [ soon ex-boyfriend ] in the back of the cuttest photo of me in the prom day lol ..So many things that I wanted to say ..but there wasnt much space ..I'll give it ti him tomorrow ..the last time that we'll be together as a couple ..I feel that he really wants to go so ..there's nothing I can do ..I guess ..
He's right. He tried to save the relationship so many times ..but I was too damn mean ..well ..let's see what future brings ..
Oh and I asked him for the whip ..hehe :X
It has been rainning a lot .. weeeeeeeee :D
And college starts Monday ..let's see ..
I predict ..changes + changes + changes ..
And the thing is still hided ..waiting for October 3rd .. x)

Is this it?

I'm scared. I really am.
I ..like to think that he's going to come back to me. But ..he seems decided not to ..
Today I finnaly finshed my college papers & stuff ..but I made a mistake x) ..whatever ..
I went to see the siamese kittens ..oh gosh they're so fucking cute ..they were not quiet at all this time, they were playing and a buch of people was staring and smiling ..yeah ..freaking adorable thing to be seen .. :')
I start going to college on monday 25 ..yeah ..the same day he leaves ..for good [ at least of ou love life he says ] ..
Bah ..

Some news to myself.

Trying to find Tool great. But I can't. Lol.
Today was a great day. My boots. boots. boots. Lovely! :D
I got a necklace too, a thing for my hair, and something cool which can be used in many ways.
Ahaha I feel ok. Even with him leaving. Even with college stuff to do within a few hours [ I need to sleep .. ]
The only thing that's upseting me is that I want that siamese .. :|
Damn ..

Ps. purple nails! \m/

Part two & End.

So, yeah. At 5:20 am last night I got in panic. Dumb reasons I know. I was supposed to wait with Desiderio, but I was feeling like shit & too damn tired, so I went to my bed. I said for him to call me when it was 8:00 am. but he kept calling me every other 15 minutes. That anoyed me. Finnaly I knew. Yeah, I'm gonna stay here for college. Awesome. That's what I wanted. I really like it here ..at least for college. Yeah someday I want to expand my horizons, of course. But a few years later from now. I have a dream location. England. I would love to work there, to live there. Kicks ass ..I used to dream about that a lot. Me & my [ still ] boyfriend, together there. Stupid lamme plans argh.
I decided that I won't say another word about him leaving [ aaaagain ]. But I still hope ..yeah on Monday I'll pick up a very important thing ..ehhe ..
So Sofia is going to be with me again! Wee ..trouble! At least some good news. =]

Music . Foo Fighters - Walking after you [ Beautiful :') ]

So ..

It's 5:00 am. and im here talking to Desiderio on msn. My boyfriend is offline for one hour ..we fought a lot today, by net. I can't help it. He's going away. He's going to leave me again. How can he do this?
He already gone away from me once ..almost three months ..why is he doing this?
I mean I know I'm not the best girlfriend in the world, but he's not an easy person as well ..sometimes I just feel that we dont belong together, but then I see that it's not like that ..we have a stupid huge connection ..it's a waste of time try to deny it.
I feel like writing ..I love him more than anything in life ..I just feel that he doesnt feel the same way about me ..at least anymore. And yes I've been mean. Sometimes [ many times ] more than I should, and he his patient & tries to deal with me.
I'm scared of losing people ..since I was a child ..I always felt like ..I somehow lost the ones that I loved the most ..there's a thing with my father and ..my grandfather ..I never liked my mum or my grandmother that much ..I mean I admire my gradma, she was a very beautiful woman when she was young and all that ..but she wasnt that great in mind stuff. My grandfather was a little cruel, in spite of being a good hearted people. He was always ready to help everyone who needed it. He is a great man and I feel happy to be his grandchild. =]
Now back to my boyfriend ..yeah ..he's my first and only boyfriend ..he's the only guy I have ever kissed and said "I love" to, in my entire life. We started to date in 13/10/2004 ..it's a long time ..I feel like ..he's really part of me ..something like my brains, my heart, my face ..he's inside of me ..I'm not strong enough ..I need him so much ..
If he's gone I wont cry ..but I'll spend most of my days gazing at nowhere, eating chocolates, on my couch or bed, getting nostalgic ..
I dont want to lose him ..
Well ..right now waiting until 8:00 am to find outto which college I go ..
Waiting with Desiderio ..

1 year & 11 months ..

Humm ..guess it's the last aniversary that I celebrate with my boyfriend ..since he's leaving for college soon ..we had some cool time today, just hanging around our little town at coffees & that ..
I'll miss him ..
Things are just a little little better at home ..but yet the same old crap ..I would like so much to get out of here ..maybe someday [ hopefully soon ] ..
I keep thinking about suicide ..it's weird ..when I'm fucked up & hurted & all that shit I think about it like a near future ..like a decision ..when I'm ok like now I think about it as something that will happen eventually at some point in my life ..isn't it odd? ..argh ..
I was just saying to my boyfriend that I'm ok now ..at that's because of him ..well I'm just wondering how things will be when he's gone ..

Weird day ..

Humm there's so much to say, and so little time .. [ 3:35 am ] yeah ..it's not that late at least for me ..
Today was supposed to be perfect. Nice hours, but then I screwed all as usual. And then he screwed all too. I was really scared ..one of the worst days of my life [ at least for an hour ] .. We should grab the few days left instead of making them a living hell .. argh ..
Things are also not good at home. Last night I had one of those fights with my mother ..it was the worst fight I ever had with her I think ..
Humm ..so the worst two fights of my life in less than 24 hours ..? How cool is that ? ..
Sometimes, looking at myself I feel strange ..Sometimes I dont even recognize myself ..I was having deep suicidal thoughts last night ..if it wasnt for a very special person I would probably not be around now ..sometimes this life can be so bad dont you think? ..
Well, 6 days until the college stuff being published .. Everyone says that I'll stay here in my land but since I was very umpleasent to the guy [ that damn asshole ] I have a few doubts ..
Anyway I wanna get a job soon. I wanna buy my own stuff without having to hear things like "Oh you'll buy that if I give you the money, I'm the boss here at the house"..Fuck off!
I need to fly! I need to fix my wings .. =]
I love the photo ..me at a cemetery last monday - 4